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I have never seen the animated version of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Therefore I approached the CGI adaptation like a virgin on his first lay, expecting nothing more than an experience to remember; good or bad, long or short doesn’t make much of a difference!

I know, I know! It’s a bit twisted of me to associate a children’s classic with sexual connotations. Actually it’s more than twisted, it’s the Olympics of perversions, the Super Bowl of delinquencies, the World Series of aberrations. Ok, now I’m degrading the IOC, NFL, and MLB! But who cares, it’s my blog!

Anyways, Alvin and the Chipmunks turns out to be just that, a cinematic experience, nothing more and nothing less, although their high-pitched, helium-distorted overdubs draw much giggles.

The movie chronicles the rise to rock stardom of three delightful talking chipmunks: mischievous group leader Alvin, brainy Simon, and cuddly Theodore (apparently they were named after the executives at Liberty Records, the label that originally produced their songs.) As their habitat on the evergreen is cut down to become a Christmas tree, they find themselves in the home of Dave Seville (Jason Lee), a deadbeat songwriter who agrees to manage their mayhem if they sing his songs. The song’s a hit. The chipmunks are hot. Fame fluffs their fuzz with booze, drugs, and chicks (actually it’s waffles, toys, and tours), and exhaustion eventually drives them back to Dave’s nurturing hands. Awwww!

The majority of the laughs come in the first half, particularly in the opening scene where the chipmunks store their nuts for the winter, singing and synchronizing in squeaky unison to Daniel Powter’s Bad Day. More laughs are ensured when the beasties tear Dave’s house (and life) apart and make rodent use of his appliances.

Although the trio’s voices and mischiefs are adorably entertaining, the humor embedded in the movie comes short of laughable. Maybe it’s me, but flatulence and animal droppings just aren’t that funny. Resorting to such banter overtly displays the writers’ bland sense of humor.

As the movie progresses, the weak plot becomes more expected and the human actors become more dead. Jason Lee’s dull acting sucks the life out of the movie as he sleepwalks through his role with no sign of emotions, even when he screams that famous one-liner. David Cross, who plays the label’s executive Ian Hawke, is not cynical enough as an antagonist. And quite frankly, watching full-grown adults dancing to the chipmunk song is just weird.

Alvin and the chipmunks are cute, jazzy, and charming. However, the flat plot, dry humor, and lifeless acting are disheartening and severely depreciate the entertainment value of the flick. It’s a tragedy when CGI actors are more lively than the human ones. Luckily for Fox, kids are too naive to realize it and get suckered in nonetheless.

Logic Rating:

Know Your Ratings:

1 - I’d rather download fake torrents

2 - Not worth my HD space

3 - Queue it up

4 - Delete the porn (maybe just the softcores)

5 - Definitely download it, even with dial-up

Chipmunks Technology

In an interview with Fox News, Ross Bagdassarian Jr., son of the original creator, discloses that to generate the chipmunks’ voices, the actors must speak and sing at an extremely slow rate. The recordings are then sped up to produce the high-pitched timbre.